To The Last Guy That Ever Made Me Feel Unimportant

The point of my blog is to work on health in every form. As humans, health in relationships is an important concept and, especially at my age, that form of health is often tossed to the wayside. I've heard so many relationships talked about like, "He treats her kinda shitty" or "He's kind of an asshole to her" or "She talks to her like he's an idiot." And we brush off this comments because we think, that's their problem. We step in maybe if it seems particularly bad or if it's become physical. Otherwise, we think, man that sucks, and then forget about it an hour later.

The thing is those people are still together even after you'll long forgotten about it.

Exercise is Everywhere

I've been so mad at myself lately. I haven't worked out all week. Okay maybe two weeks. Between two jobs, being a full time student, and looking for a new place to live, I've barely had time to sleep. I come home at the end of the day (usually around nine or ten at night) and collapse on the bed. But I woke up yesterday and my legs were sore and I immediately thought, "How could that be possible?" And then I thought back to what I did the day before.

I realized I'd walked over three miles. In my attempt to find an open bank, I'd walked all over the city. By going to class, I'd also walked at least four flights of stairs. To get back to my dorm room, I took the elevator (I live on the thirteenth floor so taking the stairs may have killed me) but I was alone in the elevator so I did wall sits on my way up. While studying, I decided to do squats while I read and ended up doing around 50 squats.

I've been wanting to tone my legs so badly because I've always been particularly unhappy with my thighs, even more so recently. Having skipped so many workouts, I assumed it would never happen and I was half ready to give up. But waking up with a burn in my legs has made me so ready to get back into it full force.

I thought I didn't have time for workouts anymore but I was doing workouts all along. Mind you, I don't recommend calling these workouts all the time. The way that I think about it is this: exercise is everywhere. It's taking the stairs instead of walking. It's walking an extra fifteen minutes instead of hailing a cab to get back to your apartment faster. It's squatting while you brush your teeth or doing planks while you read a book. These are great ways to get your blood pumping and keep you fit.

These are the things to keep in mind on your off days. Workouts are exercise but they aren't this relatively easy form of exercise. If you have weight to lose, you have to do workouts and exercise. For three days a week, do forty-five minutes of hard core exercise. Try for thirty minutes of cardio (more than just walking) and fifteen minutes of strength training. On the days when you aren't working out, be sure to get in your exercise. Walk when you can. Don't sit for too long. Dance while you cook. Stand or do squats at your desk at work. Find the little ways that work for you and remind yourself to keep doing them because you will always have the time to do those little tricks.

Do What Scares You

I know a lot of people say to go with your gut, but if I constantly went with my gut I doubt that I'd ever leave my home. In fact, I can tell you very honestly that if I listened to my gut constantly, I'd never have gone on a date. I'd never have gone to college and, even if I did somehow make it here, I'd never leave my dorm to go to class. I wouldn't have become editor of my school's chapter of a top website. I'd never go to a new restaurant, see a movie by myself, even walk to a new coffee shop one block over.

My anxiety is far more severe than I let on sometimes. There are days when I nearly vomit just trying to get out the door. There were days in high school when I did vomit just trying to get out the door to catch the bus. I have gotten better over time. For a long time, I figured it would be okay to just give in. I was too scared to go to school so many times I just didn't. I almost wasn't able to get senior service at my school (a program where we do community service for a month rather than go to school just before graduation) because I missed too many days of school. I remember being very sick for one week that year. But somehow I'd missed 16 days. The other 11 days I'd skipped just out of fear of getting out of bed.

It wasn't until I got to college that I realized doing that wouldn't fly anymore. Some of my classes worked so that if I missed one class without a doctor's note, I dropped a letter grade. I can't get a doctor to sign a note that says, "Please excuse her from class as she is too frightened by high school." I don't think that's gonna fly.

But I have noticed something. The more I start to push past that feeling in my gut that makes me want to give into the anxiety, the easier it has been to ignore over time. That feeling doesn't go away, at least not from my experience, but it can become more bearable, as long as you are willing to show it who's boss. The more you say, "You don't control me," the more true that becomes.

Why Phoned-In Workouts Don't Count as Real Workouts

Look, if you're watching "Game of Thrones" and you get up in the middle of it to do twenty sit-ups every twenty minutes, that's really, really good. Being sedentary is very bad for you so getting up and moving everyone now and again to get your blood pumping for a couple minutes is a great idea.

But if you do this and binge watch "Game of Thrones" for ten hours straight, only getting up to do these sit-ups every twenty minutes and you spend the whole day like that, don't be surprised when you don't see the scale move.

Weight sticks to you. You have to shake it loose. If you're not really shaking, you're not really going to lose it.

For a lot of winter break, that's what I did, with the occasional (read: once a week) trip to the gym. Most days I was just watching tv and patting myself on a back when I'd get up every now and again to do squats and lift five pound weights. When I got back to school, I pretty much continued the same trend. I'd watch television all day and then go do a ten minute Pilates video every couple of hours. I hadn't felt sore in a long time, unless you count my butt from sitting for so long.

I woke up this morning feeling so gross and lazy, I couldn't take it anymore. I put on a sweatshirt, filled up my water bottle and made the trek to my gym. I scanned the equipment, thinking maybe I'd work up the courage to use the treadmill and start a real running regime since I recently decided that in Fall 2017, I would run the Star Wars Half Marathon in Disneyland. But after seeing that most of the treadmills were filled up and my favorite machine, the bike, was empty, I made my way over to it. I putting on the "Hamilton" soundtrack, set the time for forty-five minutes, and got started.

By fifteen minutes in, I was so out of breath. I kept going, mind you. I did the full 45 minutes and the five minute cool down. But by the time I was done, my legs felt like jello. They almost gave out when I got off the bike for the first time. I found my sea legs, walked back to my dorm, and collapsed in my bed, ready for a nap.

I wondered when I'd gotten so out of shape. I used to be able to do that with ease! Now I was struggling to get through it, with my brain screaming, "STOP! What the hell are you doing?" the whole time. I thought I'd been working out all winter already. Sure, they were miniworkouts, but it was still something. Then I realized, there's no such thing is a miniworkout! Just moving every now and again is not a workout; it's just something you should do as a human being. It should come natural to us that we wouldn't spend the whole day on our butts, but we forget that sometimes so when we don't spend the day in a bed or a chair, we think we did something outrageously good for us. Really, we did something good, just not as great as we think.

Fitting in workouts can be hard, both for lack of time and lack of desire, but if you really want to lose weight, phoning in a quick couple of squats would do it. We are always looking for shortcuts:the quickest way to a six pack, the quickest way to get a better butt. This advice is everywhere, but there should be a little clause under all this advice saying that it doesn't really work. There is no shortcut. The only way to get health, the only way to lose weight, is to put in the work.

Round Two of Pretty Mind-Numbing Fear

I smell pizza outside my door. My suitemates invited several of their friends over to watch a game and they ordered pizza. I haven't had dinner. I'm starving. Two of them invited me to watch the game with them. I told both that I might, thanked them for the offer and quietly shut the door after them.

I'm not going to get any pizza. I know at this point that I will not be leaving my room this evening, which means I will not be leaving my room for the day.

Look, I can fake having fun with the best of them. When it's for something professional, I'm the queen of putting on a smile (and a personality) and making everyone feel welcome. I put a lot of work into it. But this is supposed to be my home. It's where I'm supposed to feel relaxed, but instead there's a constant knot in my stomach. I've never faced this kind of anxiety before. Please excuse these sorts of posts, folks. I'm just trying to get healthy. But when my heart is pounding and my stomach is aching and my head is throbbing, just when I'm still on my bed, it's hard. The little voice in my head is saying, "They hate you, they hate you, you're boring, and they hate you. Just wait. Eventually they will give up on you altogether and stop even asking you to join. Who wants a friend like you?"

It's a painful thought that reminds me of growing up in elementary school. Like I said before, I usually made friends out of circumstance. I'd spend class after class with them; after a year, I'd get invited over their house or to their birthday party and, alakazam, we're suddenly best friends.

At these points in our lives, we don't really have close knit groups. Friendships change daily. To be a stranger in a room of fifteen people who have been inseparable for the past year is quite literally my nightmare. I wonder if they can see how lonely and upset I am. I must reek desperation and fear. It would be nice to have friends. It would be really nice to be able to talk to someone.

I suppose that's why I'm writing in here more. It helps to pretend that someone is listening.

The sun has set and I've spent another day alone.

Friendships According to a Socially Awkward Introvert

Last night, to be quite honest, I returned from dinner with an old friend a little tipsy. I knew my friend for quite a long time and she made a comment to say I looked a little drunk but wasn't really acting like it. In my head, I could sense the change, but it's not something she would've noticed.

I've known this friend for many, many years so the years of being awkward with her has gone away. I can talk to her about anything, things many other people would cringe at.

When I entered this semester of college, I realized that I had not made any friends like that at school. When I'm at school, there's only one person I talk to, but she's abroad and I've felt incredibly lonely. I moved into a new suite with five near strangers. Although I say hello and good morning to them, that's all the conversations we really share.

Last night, I found my suitemates gathered on the living room floor playing cards. They welcomed me, like they always do, and invited me to play. They are a very extroverted and friendly bunch. Ordinarily, I would have muttered an apology that I couldn't play and shuffled off to my room, quietly shutting the door behind me. But I was tipsy enough to say that of course I'd play and, furthermore, I'd win. They made room in their little circle and I sat down to join.

I didn't win, but I laughed like crazy and had so much fun with them. They're just such good people. They invited me to brunch the next morning and I happily accepted.

This morning, only three of them could go to brunch. They said good morning, and I found myself nearly whispering it back. They asked me what I had planned for the day and they strained to hear my quiet voice. At brunch, I fell silent, not sure how to add to the conversation. They talked about friends I didn't know and movies I hadn't seen and I felt embarrassed and lost. Every move I made felt wrong, every muttered word felt wrong. I couldn't wait to get back to my room and shut the door again.

Later in the day, I said hello as two of them sat on their beds in their room. The one that had been the friendliest said goodbye to me rather quickly and I walked back to my room, quietly shutting the door. For hours, I went over her words and the look on her face. Did I screw up? Did I insult her? Does she think I don't want to talk to her?

I reopened the door as the five of them now sit in the living room, trying to figure out what to watch, "Powerpuff Girls" or "Courage the Cowardly Dog." I wonder if they'll invite me to join them again tonight, but I get the feeling that I won't be.

In my mind, I know I'm not a great friend. I don't know how to be one. Friendships usually fall into my lap by accident and I end up grateful when people stay. I never know why.

For those of you that are not cursed with it, social anxiety often manifests like this, where fears of loneliness and fears of friendships intertwine enough that it's just a constant fear of being in public. The only time I'm not in fear is when I am alone, but even then it's a fear because people are right outside the door.

Do you know the "Twilight Zone" episode when the teller finds himself the last man on earth? At first, he panics and then he finds all the books he always wanted to read. I can relate to that feeling, the relief of being alone. Of course, that relief can't last. I always took the glasses breaking to be a metaphor of sorts for me, when the facade breaks. It turns from being alone to loneliness.

The girl I feared hated me just approached me and invited me to a concert. If that's not the definition of the fear of a socially anxious person, I really don't know what is. The paranoia in me grew to the point my stomach hurt and yet I had nothing to be anxious about. When she left, the anxiety started to grow again, but that's the curse I hope to someday tame.

It's the Little Victories that Make the Difference

Laying in bed last night at around two, I was having a little bit of trouble falling asleep, which is pretty normal for me. To distract me from thinking about work, I started thinking about the food I'd tracked during the day. I was kind of hungry, but it was way too late to eat. I thought about what I'd eaten. A cup of tea, tuna salad, grilled zucchini, turkey meatloaf, mashed potatoes. I suddenly realized why I thought that something was missing.

There was no dessert! There was no chocolate! How could I go to bed without chocolate in my stomach? When was the last time I'd done that? The night before I'd downed a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels (it's healthy because it's dark chocolate, right?), but that night there was no chocolate.

Well, there was chocolate. In the living room, there was a bag of chocolate mini donuts. I could hear it calling my name, taunting me, making my mouth water. One little donut wasn't a bad thing, right? Even at two am, a little, teeny, weeny donut is not a bad thing right? I could totally have one and still be on track for the day! I even had left over calories when I tracked my food. I could have one and use up those calories and just reach my calorie goal. I wouldn't lose weight doing that, but hey, one day of reaching that goal but not going over wouldn't make me gain weight either! I'll be fine. I'll be healthy. I mean the added sugar wouldn't be so bad...

Okay that's a lie. Added sugar is so bad for you. I feel weeks ago I tried cutting out all added sugar from my diet and collapsed on the sixth day, failing so badly when I downed a bag of Lindt chocolates and a chunk of a Godiva dark chocolate bar. For days after, I kept trying to make up what I had missed: a handful of cookies here, a bag of Hershey kisses there. Even when I went back to school, I was still gorging on any chocolate I could find.

Tuesday was my busiest day and I only got back to the dorm after 10 pm, after which I nearly collapsed on my bed. I got into my pajamas, turned on a little Netflix, and got under the covers. Later, when my stomach growled, I was far too comfy to get up.

For once, laziness did a good thing. I went to get out of bed, kicking off the covers. The cold hit me and I bundled myself up once again. When I woke up in the morning, my stomach was still donut-free.

So I still crave chocolate and I still haven't gotten rid of all the sugar in my diet. I had two sugars in my coffee this morning, but it's the only sugar I've had today. It's a small step, but it's a step in the right direction.

When Your Mood Changes with the Season

Lately, I've been feeling pretty lonely and depressed, which is kind of strange when you consider that I'm back to school. I'm constantly around people, a heck of a lot more than I was during the summer. But over the summer, I felt happy, laying in the sunlight, on my own, feeling the water of the pool all around me. Now that I'm crammed in a dorm room all the time, my mood has been falling steadily.

I've felt this for a long time but never really thought it was a big deal. As a sufferer of bipolar disorder, I just figured this was a part of it. But I decided to do a little research. Apparently, those with bipolar disorder are actually more prone to getting Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. Like most forms of depression, SAD comes with a loss of energy, a loss of interest in things you like, having difficulty concentrating, feeling irritable, and weight gain. What I've been feeling lately is especially the feeling of worthlessness and hypersensitivity to rejection.

I had decided recently to stop seeing a therapist because I really disliked the one I was going to. He once told me that I was probably just sad because I was a teenage girl and I needed a boyfriend. He recently lost his license and I can completely see why. But I think I may try to find a new one. I could use someone to talk to who may help me get through this time again. But SAD isn't just for fall and winter. SAD can also appear in the spring and summer months, although the effects are slightly different. It's often accompanied with weight loss and loss of appetite as opposed to SAD during the winter months, where the craving for carbs becomes common and there's usually a weight gain.

In either case, going through SAD alone is never a good idea.  You may be thinking, "Well it's just a couple months of misery," like I usually do, but it can get scary going it alone, especially considering SAD is often accompanied by thoughts of suicide. Don't get it alone. Getting healthier, mentally or physically, is a process and it's always better with help.

Better for You Breakfast: Gooey Smores Cookies

Sounds more like a dessert right? But with all the fiber in this meal, they are actually a pretty great way to start the day, keeping you full until lunch. Of course, if you want to have them for breakfast and dessert, no body is going to argue.

Recipe for three cookies
1 cup of Quaker oatmeal (I actually used one package of lower sugar Quaker Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal, which worked very well)
2 Hershey Kisses, grated
3 Jumbo marshmallows, chopped up, or 12 mini marshmallows
1/4 cup of skim milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix together the oatmeal and skim milk and add in the marshmallows. Scoop out the mixture in three rounded spoonfuls and put them on a greased pan. Then sprinkle the chocolate over top of the spoonfuls and bake for twenty minutes. Take out and let cool.

Better for You Dinners:Tangy Grilled Chicken Salad

Since I've been home, I've been in my chicken basically nonstop. I'm sick of takeout, my body's since of takeout, and all I want is a fresh cooked meal. And what's fresher than hearty salad on a hot summer day?

I cooked this meal with my mother last week and together it only took us about ten minutes total. Not bad, especially after a long day of work.

Recipe (serves two)
1 mango
1 avocado
2 chicken breasts
four cups of spinach
1 tbsp virgin olive oil\
1 tbsp of lime juice
1 tbsp of balsamic vinegar
pinch of salt
pinch of pepper

Add salt and pepper to rub the outside of the chicken breast and grill the breasts until there is no more pink in the middle (this was between 7 and 9 minutes for us). Dice the mango and avocado and add them to the spinach. Cut the grilled chicken into thin strips and toss them into the salad. Mix together the vinegar, lime juice, and oil and drizzle the mixture over the salad. Toss the salad and serve.

Enjoy your salad!

Find Your Community!

You know that friend or family member who sees you take that second cookie and says, "Do you really need that?" I have one of those too (okay, I have a few of those) and I know that they are trying to help, but the problem is that they are actually not. I usually feel so self-conscious that when I'm around these people, I hardly eat anything at all. But that backfires because, after an evening of not eating anything, I feel sorry for myself, along with being massively hungry, so I indulge and gorge on whatever I want.

Apparently, I"m not alone with that. Studies have recently shown that having a friend or friends that treats you like this is very bad for your health and people who are trying to lose weight end up losing less or even putting on weight from having these bad influences in your life.

That's not to say that you should avoid these people altogether, but you may want to cut back and try to avoid meeting them during mealtimes. Try to arrange meetings when you know that food isn't really something you will be spending your time doing, maybe finding an active meeting place, like the beach or mini golf.

Some people though can be a real asset when you are trying to lose wait. I've actually found that not having people to talk to face to face helps a lot. When I have a real life workout buddy, I feel that we are always competing. I've never found a weight loss buddy in my real life friends because we are all at different weight levels and some of the things that they do, I just can't do yet. Which is why the internet is my weight loss buddy.

My favorite (and free) site is sparkpeople.com because you can not only track your weight, your food, and your exercise, but also talk on message boards and talk directly to your weight loss buddies. People can send you motivational gifts, ask you questions, and give you answers. And you can form your own support groups to give you more people to be held accountable to.

I would definitely recommend signing up, but if Spark People is not your thing, there are plenty of sites like it to track on. But definitely look for the community aspect. It can help more than you know!

Better Breakfast: Sausage and Scrambled Eggs on Toast

This breakfast is so easy, has 24 grams of protein, and is only 400 calories!

Recipe
2 egg whites
.25 cup skim milk
3 turkey sausage links
1 oz sharp cheddar cheese
.25 cup spinach
1 slice of whole wheat bread
1 tbsp butter
salt
pepper

Mix the skim milk and egg whites and scramble them on a greased frying pan. Add a pinch of salt and pepper. Add the spinach. Then grate and add the cheese. Chop up the sausage links and add them in. Toast the whole wheat bread lightly and butter it. Slide the scrambled eggs onto the toast and enjoy!

Told you it was easy!

Better Breakfast: Oatmeal and Peanut Butter Muffins!

Hey all! I've got another recipe for you and the best part of this one is that it takes only twenty minutes and you have breakfast for two days! They're very moist, but if you want them more fluffy than moist, cut out some of the applesauce and add in a little more flour.

Recipe
1 cup Quaker oats
1/4 cup of skim milk
1 cup of white (or wheat if you really want a health kick) flour
2 tsp of cinnamon
1 tsp of vanilla
2 tbsp of applesauce
2 tbsp of peanut butter

Mix the oatmeal and warmed up milk together. Then add in the flour, cinnamon, vanilla, and applesauce. Put a dollop of the peanut butter on top of each of the muffins (or push the dollop into the middle of the mix for a gooey taste in every bite). Pour the mix into greased muffin tins and put them in the oven at 350 degrees for twenty minutes. When you take them out, put them in the freezer for five minutes until the peanut butter hardens slightly. Take out and enjoy!

Better Breakfasts!: Mini Frittatas

Hey guys,
So this is the first post of many I plan to write for this Better Breakfast series. I fell victim to the thought process that skipping breakfast would be a good thing this year, but man was I wrong. The college that I go to is definitely not known for its healthy foods so I found that most of my days consisted of no breakfast, a burrito for lunch, and a chicken caesar wrap for dinner. Occasionally, the day consisted of no breakfast, a sort of salad for lunch, and a Ben and Jerry's pint for dinner. I'm not proud. Towards the end of the year, I started to track my food and started to see a little weight fall off. But I still couldn't cook and I was living off of the few healthy things my school offers. So when I got home on Sunday, I decided to turn that around and I started my cooking better breakfasts.

I'll start with the one I made yesterday morning which came out great! I'm not going by any fancy recipes, only things I decided to throw together. And these recipes do not take that long to make. These mini frittatas only took twenty minutes to make, five minutes of prep and fifteen of baking. So if you want a healthy breakfast on a weekday morning, spend the five minutes, put them in the oven, go get ready for work, and come back to take them out and enjoy.

Recipe:
Two egg whites
.25 cup skim milk
1 oz sharp cheddar
.25 cup spinach
butter to grease the muffin tin/ butter the toast
Two slices of whole wheat toast

Mix together the egg whites and skim milk. Butter the muffin tin. I used a tin that makes basically half dollar size muffins, which means I got around eight mini frittatas out of this recipe. If you use a tin that makes larger muffins, you will likely only get four and you may have to adjust the cook time. Pour the mixture into the tin, then add the spinach. Grate the cheese, then pour it on top of the mixture. Place in the oven at 350 degrees for 12 to 15 minutes.

I recommend having whole wheat toast with these frittatas because there really aren't carbs or fiber in the recipe, which means that three or so hours later, you're going to be pretty darn hungry. Add in the whole wheat toast and this recipe will tide you over for much longer.

Enjoy your meal!

Sorry Guys!

I didn't realize just how long it'd been! I got so busy I guess I just let this fall to the wayside. This post is just a little catch-up, then I'll start back on my regularly scheduled programming.

So I graduated from high school last summer and just completed my first year of college. Now you know why it's been a little insane.

Yes, I did put on the freshman fifteen, I'm embarrassed to say, so I'll be using this blog to track my progress to get rid of it. I want those fifteen pounds off by my vacation (first in three years!) in June. So here's hoping you lose along with me!

Listen to Your Own Body and Do What's Right for You!

Here's a lesson that I learned recently. My friend started going to Yoga class and I thought I won the jackpot. I practice yoga at home all the time and I love it. I love how it increases my flexibility and how my entire body just feels so relaxed afterwards. I'd been waiting for one of my friends to get into yoga to do it with me and I was eager to start going to classes with her. So I signed up.

Now don't get me wrong, the moves were fairly simple since it was a beginner class, but I learned something about myself. I hate to be told what to do. Yes, that's probably stubborn and childish but I hate it so much. And yoga class was no different. I don't like going at someone else's pace; I have my own, why do I have to match yours? It made me so mad when I would go into Triangle pose, get all relaxed, want to stretch out in that position for a beat more, and the instructor would be giving me death glares for not going into Warrior Two again. I hate Warrior Two, I like Triangle, let me stay in Triangle for another second, I'll go to Warrior Two eventually. Occasionally, I'd close my eyes in a comfortable position, letting myself relax, and she'd actually call me out in front of the class. And if you ever met me you'd know I hate having the attention turned on me. She also kept going around and standing over people and adjusting them, which I had two problems with.

1. I do worse with someone standing over me. When I'm writing an essay in class, I actually stop writing when a teacher is behind me until they go away. It's just an unconscious thing. But  you can't just stop yoga when a teacher is behind you.

2. I'm not a touchy person. I don't want a stranger's hands on my hips or pulling on my legs to adjust them.

All in all, here's what I've learned. I like yoga. It makes me feel good, but I have to do it at home. So I guess it was a waste of thirty bucks to try those classes, but hey, at least I know now. My friend can go on with out me. I'll go back to working out alone. I like it better that way.

Ten Hut: Ten Pounds Down?

So yesterday I decided to try something new. I found this diet online called the 3-Day Military Diet and was hesitant to try it, but I started it yesterday morning and I'm still going. Here's the trick: for three days, you eat food listed for you and for the other four days, track your food, but you don't have to go as hardcore as the other three days. On the first day, you can drink coffee in the morning with your listed breakfast and then you have to have coffee or tea with your lunch as well. But that's the last of the coffee you can have for the three days. In fact you can't have any caffeine at all so that's where a lot of people drop out, so I wouldn't recommend it if you go through caffeine withdrawal. If you can withstand the caffeine withdrawal, the diet itself isn't so bad. I personally like having my diet already planned out. I like not having to worry about writing down everything I eat for once, I have to admit, because it is an annoying process. It's nice to have it already planned. I am pretty hungry because there are little fat and little carbs in the diet. The diet plans on boosting the metabolism which relies on protein, which is the basis of the diet. Tomorrow is my last day and my weigh in day. The 3-Day Military Diet promises a 10 pound loss in the 3 days. They promise a 40 pound loss in one month  so I'm game. I'll keep this up for a month and see where it takes me. The only other warning I'm giving you and for myself is that energy does not replenish the same while on the three days. The first day I went on the bike for forty minutes and went all out. The night before I did an "Incredible Abs" workout with Cindy Whitmarsh. My abs still hurt and I'm just now getting the feeling back into my legs. I'm not saying don't exercise. I'm saying save the hardcore stuff for the other four days. After all, it's a military diet. The military definitely works hard for their bodies. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I'll be ten pounds down.

Sleep Time

Today I want to talk about something that gets a lot of oversight in the world of health. A lot of people think that staying up in the hot summer nights, squeezing in an extra workout in the wee hours of the morning, is the trick to losing weight. But the truth is that our bodies require a lot more than just a increase of exercise and a decrease in food consumption to lose weight and stay healthy.

See, I've always had trouble sleeping. Ask my mother. When she put me down in the crib, I would protest for hours. Unfortunately, that habit translated to when I aged. Now, I know I need nine hours every night. That's the general formula. But when I'm in school, I'm up until midnight or later and waking up at five or earlier. I thought it was just because of my workload with school. When I'd crawl into bed, I'd toss and turn for a while and sleep would just overtake me. Then I'd wake up seemingly minutes later and the cycle would begin again. Now it's summer and I'm trying to fall asleep at around one or two every night. Problem is I can't sleep. My thoughts start racing and suddenly I'm tossing and turning just like during the school year. All my problems come flooding back and I can't think straight. My mind just keeps going a mile a minute. Then suddenly I'm looking up at the clock and it says four.

I never used to think much of my sleeping habits. I knew they weren't great, but I figured they could be worse. But I read something recently that made me rethink it. Turns out, you can be classified as an insomniac if you can't fall asleep for over a half an hour. Well, that's every night for me. So now I'm thinking it's really time to make a change.

I've always noticed that the higher my stress rate goes, the less I sleep. I'm sure you're all thinking, "Well duh. We all knew that." But it's lowering the stress that's the problem and the thing that almost no one has the answer to. I think everyone, if you're going through similar circumstance as I am, needs some "me" time. Make some time in the day, even if it's just for a few minutes, to do something you enjoy and that relaxes you. For me, it's swimming. The feeling of the water against m soothes me to a lull and relaxes me to the point that I don't need to think of anything but the water and the sun beating down on me. Find what does the same for you. Another thing that can be very helpful is to write a list of the things that are on you're mind. If you write them down, you are mentally confronting them. Since you are acknowledging them, they can't sneak up on you in the middle of the night and cripple your sleep.

However, if you have done all you can think of and you still can't sleep, go see help from your doctor.

I hope this helps you and your sleep. Tonight, try and use these couple of tricks and tips and hopefully you will be catching up on your Zzzz.

Eat Right, Eat Happy

I've been eating so crappy lately and I hate to admit it, but it's true. I've been skipping breakfast, having only Luna bars for lunches (if I eat lunches at all), then I come home and home a spoonful of peanut butter. I usually expect to eat a healthy dinner of some sort (grilled chicken, steamed veggies, etc.) but lately I've been shoveling down burgers and fries like it's a lifeline. At least I haven't had pizza in weeks.

Tonight I'm having a salad and last night for dessert as my parents were forking ice cream sundaes I mixed up a light "cocktail" and all the water in it filled me up. I poured in ice, seltzer, and orange juice and made a light Orange Julius and it was so good. More importantly, I felt better in the morning and less dehydrated. Today, I had cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Felt awful. For lunch I had turkey and cheese. Much better. Then I had a banana. So much better. There is a direct correlation between mood and meals. That's the truth. Your body knows when you're eating badly. It wants the vitamins and minerals and healthy (if not so tasty) parts of veggies and proteins and fruits. If you go long periods of time without them, replacing them with, essentially, crap, you're only hurting yourself, in the long term and short term.

Cleanse the Soul, not the Body

Just to clarify I don't look to lose weight because I want to look like a Victoria's Secret model. I know my body wasn't built to ever look like that and I've come to terms with that. But sometimes I forget that just because I put on a few extra pounds, it isn't a reason to hide my body.

I do well in school, not valedictorian good but good enough to get me into the Italian National Honor Society, the English National Honor Society as VP, and the Honor Society. My parents came to see me in the English National Honor Society induction ceremony and as part of the rules provided by my teacher I had to wear a dress. All I could think of as I got such a prestigious honor was Oh God, my legs look awful. These girls all look so pretty. Why do my ass and my legs have to be so huge? I spent the hour pulling my dress as far down as it would go without ripping off the sleeves and exposing my breasts.

After the ceremony, my dad asked me why I looked so uncomfortable. I just shrugged and said I don't like dressing up, which is true since I am more of a jeans and tee type of girl. He told me that I looked like I was trying to contort myself, trying so hard to hide myself by curling into a ball where no one could see me. I hadn't even realized I was doing that.

A part of this blog is meant to be even more than physical health. It's also emotional health because everything goes hand in hand. It's hard to work up the courage to lose weight or take care of yourself when you don't even like yourself. It's difficult to do, I know, but you have to try to look at yourself and remind yourself what you do like. If it helps, write a list and look at it when you need the support. Me, I love my curves and my eyes. I think they're my two best features. Try to think of your own best features.