It's the Little Victories that Make the Difference

Laying in bed last night at around two, I was having a little bit of trouble falling asleep, which is pretty normal for me. To distract me from thinking about work, I started thinking about the food I'd tracked during the day. I was kind of hungry, but it was way too late to eat. I thought about what I'd eaten. A cup of tea, tuna salad, grilled zucchini, turkey meatloaf, mashed potatoes. I suddenly realized why I thought that something was missing.

There was no dessert! There was no chocolate! How could I go to bed without chocolate in my stomach? When was the last time I'd done that? The night before I'd downed a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels (it's healthy because it's dark chocolate, right?), but that night there was no chocolate.

Well, there was chocolate. In the living room, there was a bag of chocolate mini donuts. I could hear it calling my name, taunting me, making my mouth water. One little donut wasn't a bad thing, right? Even at two am, a little, teeny, weeny donut is not a bad thing right? I could totally have one and still be on track for the day! I even had left over calories when I tracked my food. I could have one and use up those calories and just reach my calorie goal. I wouldn't lose weight doing that, but hey, one day of reaching that goal but not going over wouldn't make me gain weight either! I'll be fine. I'll be healthy. I mean the added sugar wouldn't be so bad...

Okay that's a lie. Added sugar is so bad for you. I feel weeks ago I tried cutting out all added sugar from my diet and collapsed on the sixth day, failing so badly when I downed a bag of Lindt chocolates and a chunk of a Godiva dark chocolate bar. For days after, I kept trying to make up what I had missed: a handful of cookies here, a bag of Hershey kisses there. Even when I went back to school, I was still gorging on any chocolate I could find.

Tuesday was my busiest day and I only got back to the dorm after 10 pm, after which I nearly collapsed on my bed. I got into my pajamas, turned on a little Netflix, and got under the covers. Later, when my stomach growled, I was far too comfy to get up.

For once, laziness did a good thing. I went to get out of bed, kicking off the covers. The cold hit me and I bundled myself up once again. When I woke up in the morning, my stomach was still donut-free.

So I still crave chocolate and I still haven't gotten rid of all the sugar in my diet. I had two sugars in my coffee this morning, but it's the only sugar I've had today. It's a small step, but it's a step in the right direction.